Relationship counselor & coach for over 35 years
Hi. I'm Betsy Sansby. For 35 years I was a licensed marriage and family therapist in Minnesota. I've counseled over 1000 couples, worked with hundreds of individuals and families, led countless therapy groups, supervised other therapists, and worked with teenagers struggling with addiction.
On a more personal note, I've been happily married to my husband for as long as I've been a counselor, and together we raised a daughter who just turned 35 and still thinks her parents are cool. When our daughter moved to California we followed. That's when I decided to let my Minnesota license go and become an online relationship coach. In Minnesota, clients had to come to my office—which often meant driving through ice, sleet, and snow. But now—through the miracle of FaceTime and Zoom—I can work with you no matter where you are.
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I like to hit the ground running. So whether I'm seeing you by yourself or with a partner, you can count on us moving fast and covering a lot of ground, even in your first session. Clients tell me that when they leave a session they often feel like they've just had a really good workout—only with a relationship coach, instead of a personal trainer.
We begin with a check in. When couples show up to a session feeling hurt, scared, pissed off, or hopeless, they're not looking for insight. They're looking for relief. That's why we always start with the present. What just happened that brought you here? I want you to leave each session feeling better about each other and hopeful about your relationship.
But symptom relief is just where we start. I want to help you look beyond your symptoms and make lasting changes that take your relationship to the next level. Let's figure out what needs to be done. Then let's make an action plan and get to work.
The bottom line is this: If you want to change how you feel about each other, you have to change how you treat each other, starting with how you talk to each other.
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And to help with that, I've created a set of communication tools that make hard topics easier to talk about. Each tool was inspired by a different communication challenge my clients were struggling with. How to be honest without sounding critical. How to get mad without getting mean. How to apologize and admit mistakes. How to make requests and show more appreciation. And how to express hurt without your partner getting defensive.
You'll get to know the tools because you'll be using them in your sessions. Whenever a conversation starts to go south, if there's a particular tool I think might help, I'll have you try it out while I coach you. Once you feel comfortable using it with me, you'll take it home and practice with each other. The next time I see you, we'll check in on how it went, and if you ran into trouble, we'll try it again.
Catch on fast
Notice what others have missed
Understand what's at stake
Tell you what I really think
Give you tools that help right away
Hold you accountable
Sit and nod
Ignore the elephant
Hold back
Take sides
Get lost in the details
Work harder than you do
“Betsy has pulled our marriage back from the edge of a cliff more than once. She has an amazing knack for seeing through the clutter of emotions to what is really important, helping us articulate that, and guiding us back onto a hopeful and positive path.”
Client N.H.“Betsy Sansby is the best possible relationship coach. She’s compassionate, a fantastic listener, and she doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear. She provides insight, tools, and encouragement to bring your honest and authentic selves to your relationship.”
Client P.C.“There is something special about the way Betsy sees things and gives perspective without beating around the bush. I am ALWAYS telling people I know if they need a therapist, Betsy is the best—simply the best.”
Client B.S.